Ewaldapedia

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emaciapate (v.) - to liberate through starvation (most always self-imposed).

The origins of this word date back to the spring of 1998 when the political dissident and prisoner Moomira, in his second month of a hunger strike that had reduced his weight from a healthy 170 pounds to an unsettling 70 pounds, was brought before the grand tribunal of his home country, which will here go unnamed.

Those on the tribunal smiled and looked smug. “What is this to us?” one of them was reported as having said. “You are doing us a favor. You are saving us the bullets.”

“The rope,” said another.

“The blade,” added yet another.

“The chemicals.”

“The electricity.”

“The stones.”

“The truck tires.”

“Truck tires?”

“Yes, truck tires. You did not hear? It’s a new decree.”

“Irregardless,” the original tribunal speaker misspoke, “your self-imposed starvation is not aiding you in any way.”

After a heavy-handed moment, Moomira asked for permission to speak. Permission having been granted, the very tall and now very skeletal man, looking something like  a pair of super-tall stilts without the walker, struggled to stand. He was aided by his guards who, truth be told, had taken a liking to him since midway through his imprisonment. The chains around Moomira’s wrists, arms, body weighed more than he, but when he spoke it was in the voice of a distinguished statesman.

“I must say,” he said, “that you are wrong. My self-starvation is indeed working, for even now pictures of me in this state, the physical state you have forced me into, are circulating through the Internet.”

“The Internet?” one tribunal member said. “That’s impossible. We have no Internet in this country!”

“Ah,” said Moomira, wise to the future, “it does not matter that it is not in our country. The rest of the world has it. That is what matters. That is what you will not be able to stop.”

In the ensuing commotion among the tribunal members various talk was bandied about; among the sentences were “Who took the photos? We’ll have his head!” and “We should not have let him linger like this!” Through it all Moomira remained calm, and when the ruckus had at last died down he revealed to the tribunal that movements had already sprung up throughout the United States, Europe, and “everywhere democracy, if not necessarily decency, prevails.” Signs across college campuses urged people to both FREE MOOMIRA and FEED MOOMIRA. There was talk of the U.S. President authorizing the deployment of Special Ops forces to rescue the political prisoner.

The mention of U.S. Special Ops, the dreaded ‘Seal Team Six’, was ultimately too much for the tribunal members to hear. It took them another week, but finally they freed and fed Moomira on state-run television, for all to see.

“People of the free world,” Moomira gasped from on board the plane that was bound for the United States, where he would be granted political asylum, “at 65 pounds, I am not just emaciated. Having thrown off my constraints and been restored my rights as a human being, I am not just emancipated. I am both. I am emaciapated!”

in use (albeit a different form): “And now class, if you would all turn to the chapter in your history books on the Emaciapation Proclamation of the Moomirarastrerians….To begin, this is the largest known example of….”